WARNING: The story you’re about to read is a story of tremendous redemption, but it does involve horrific abuse. The graphic descriptions are disturbing and not suitable for children.
Jennifer Bonnette was just a child when she was forced to take part in satanic rituals at the hands of her very own parents.
Jennifer remembers, “There was sexual things that I had to do. There was sexual things that I’ve seen, and there was sacrifices that I’d seen. I hated myself. I didn’t know who I was. I felt so alone.”
The childhood memories come in bits and pieces for Jennifer – it’s the bad ones, those twisted in satanic rituals she wishes she could forget.
Jennifer shares, “I remember a black curtain, and we’re going down through a corridor. The smell was like a death and sweat. I remember pentagrams up on the wall. The glasses that we would drink blood from. I would get raped quite often. It’s just a matter of blocking and blacking it out.”
It was Jennifer’s parents, who subjected her to satanic rituals, which included being raped often by a close relative. By eight years old, Jennifer was cutting her body in hopes the abuse would stop, but it didn’t.
Jennifer recalls, “I cut in my private places. I thought if I had done that then I would definitely be left alone there.”
Then there were the voices, those that told her she was so worthless that even God didn’t care.
Jennifer says, “In my mindset I thought that I was this huge mistake and (CRYING) God was trying to take me out. And I was going to beat him.”
While the abuse had stopped by the time Jennifer was nine, she would carry the pain and scars for years to come. She was a troubled, rebellious teen who got pregnant when she was 16. It was then her mother made Jennifer get an abortion and kicked her out of the house.
“And told me to never contact her or anyone in the family. It did something to me. Like with all that anger and hate, it’s like it pumped me up to survive, to make it. It’s almost like it motivated me. ‘I’ll show you!'” Jennifer shares.
She moved in with her boyfriend’s family and they married. For the next 16 years, Jennifer lived her life addicted to alcohol and drugs. Her husband abused her physically and sexually, at times beating her unconscious.
Jennifer says, “I didn’t know that I could get help, and I was scared. He would threaten that he would kill me if I ever left.”
Jennifer was 34, and a mother of four, when she finally got the courage to run, taking her two youngest children with her.
After a short stay at a battered woman’s shelter, she found herself homeless and taking oxycontin and shooting up morphine.
Now divorced, Jennifer lost her children to foster care and would spend another 10 years addicted to drugs and in and out of a number of psychiatric hospitals and rehab facilities.
She recalls, “Those reoccurring voices yelling and screaming at me, ‘I’m a mistake. I’m a loser.’ It was just an ongoing self-destruction and it just got worse and worse.”
Then, at 44 years old, living in her car and working as a waitress, she met a Christian woman who told Jennifer she believed God wanted her to move in with her.
Jennifer shares, “For her to say what she said, that God sent her in there, I felt like maybe He’s trying to save me. (CRYING) So after all I’ve been through in my life, I thought I could give it a try.”
Again, Jennifer attempted rehab, and failed. This time, though, she felt there was someone who could help.
Jennifer says, “And I was on my knees actually shooting up. I started crying. And I said, ‘If there is a God, and you are real, I need you. (CRYING) Cause I can’t stop. Please you’ve got to help me.'”
Afterward, she met a pastor who helped her get into the faith-based rehab program, Teen Challenge. After a couple of months, at the age of 44, she surrendered her life to Christ.
Jennifer shares, “She said that Jesus offered peace. So that’s what led me to believe Jesus died on the cross for me.”
Then Jennifer began a 12-month discipleship program that helped her walk away from her addictions and find healing from the past.
Jennifer remembers, “From the drug use, Jesus delivered me completely from that as soon as I walked through the door, so that I could focus on him and get free from all the pain and suffering that I was in. I was in a lot of torment; I had a lot of oppression. They helped me through the process, of releasing my fear and anger. From beating and rituals, the self-hatred I had. They helped me go through the pain and releasing that.”
And on that journey to healing.
Jennifer says, “I had to learn to forgive and once I realized that I can give that to Jesus and let Him work with them, it helps me learn to accept being forgiven by Jesus for all the things I have done. I have a life full of gratitude, (CRYING) from what Jesus has saved me from.”
Today, Jennifer is married to Bobby and is a licensed minister who works with women in a Christian addiction recovery program.
Jennifer shares, “Everything that I’ve been desiring for my whole entire life, I’m experiencing that in Jesus Christ and the freedom that I have in Him, and the peace that I have. (CRYING) He’s the only one that can save you and free you and deliver you. There is hope, it’s Jesus Christ.”
The remainder of this article is available in its entirety at CBN
